Deep Thoughts with Forrest #14

While Forrest was grumping around about who even knows what,
Jeff: What are you so mad about?
Forrest: (shouting) I'm not mad!
Jeff: You look mad to me.
Forrest: (shouting, near tears) This isn't mad!!! This is angry! They are different!!!

Forrest often comes home from church repeating kind of weird-sounding stuff that I guess he learned in class, but has certainly misunderstood and put his own childish spin on. And hearing his religious thoughts are usually a mix of young sweetness and sorta creepy ideas. After his church class on a recent Sunday . . . 
Forrest: Did you know that when you pray, it invites the Holy Ghost into your body?
Me: Um, I guess I knew that, yes.
Forrest: But the Holy Ghost does not have a body! He has no mouth to talk to you with! So do you know how he talks to you?
Me: How?
Forrest: He dings.
Me: . . . what?
Forrest: He dings! Like a little bell!
Me: . . . no . . .
Forrest: YES! And it sounds like this--*ding!*
Me: 

In the car recently, we had to pull over while an ambulance zoomed by with the siren and lights on.
Forrest: Oh dear! Does that mean someone is hurt somewhere?!?! Or is the ambulance just practicing?!
Me: Well, someone is probably hurt.
Forrest: Oh dear.
Me: Yeah. Maybe we could say a little prayer that the person who is hurt will be okay?
Forrest: No thanks, that won't do anything.
Me: . . . yes, it could help. Heavenly Father will hear our prayer and maybe he will help the person.
Forrest: No, because he's not real.
Me: 
That's our little atheist.

Jeff took Forrest out to buy a birthday present for me, and Forrest was excited to choose a gift for me. Also, as a reminder, Jeff is a chiropractor.
Jeff: Are you sure you want to spend all your money on a present for Mama?
Forrest: Yes!
Jeff: Won't you be sad if you don't have any more money?
Forrest: No, I can just make more money.
Jeff: Oh yeah? How will you earn more money?
Forrest: Well, I will treat people.
Jeff: Treat people? What does that mean?
Forrest: I'll treat people! If people have ouchy backs, they will come to see me, and I will treat them and give them adjustments, and they will get better, and they will give me money.

At the library, Forrest spotted a mom sitting at a table while her daughter played nearby. He strolled right up and, uninvited, took the seat directly across from her.
Forrest: Hi! My name is Forrest, and I was wondering if you would like to hear everything about me?
Lady: 

At the grocery store
Older lady: What a nice looking pair of kids you've got there!
Forrest: Yeah, and I'm even friendly, too!

Telling me about something he saw on Sesame Street . . . 
Forrest: So then Culver said--
Me: Who?
Forrest: Culver the Grouch. He lives in the garbage can.
Me: Oscar?
Forrest: Ummm, no I think it's Culver.

He's taking a jiu jitsu class and earned his first stripe on his white belt this week. He's really excited about the idea of moving up and earning new belts, and seems confused about how exactly that happens.
Forrest: So I can get a black belt like my coach has?
Me: Yeah! You'll need to practice a lot and work really hard.
Forrest: Is there another way to get a black belt, without the practicing and working?
Me: What do you mean?
Forrest: Like, can I get one with some money?
Me: You can't buy a black belt.
Forrest: (dramatic sigh) FIIIIINE.