On Nerves

I’m sure I’m far from being the only person to put something off for fear of not doing it perfectly. I wouldn’t exactly call myself a perfectionist, but I often find that I’m talking myself out of doing things I really would like to do with thoughts like you won’t be good at that, you’ll just embarrass yourself or don’t bother, it won’t be as good as so-and-so does it or, especially when it comes to blogging, no one wants to see/read that, so don’t even try. I can’t tell you  how many blog posts I’ve written then immediately deleted because I’ve been nervous to share something personal, or worried someone wouldn’t like what I had to say, or I’ve just thought maybe it wasn’t good or important enough t0 post.

And I’m not sure what has changed lately, but I’m finding myself having those same thoughts and, for the first time, following them up with Rachel, don’t be dumb.

(^^^ I call this one Deep Thoughts. Alternate title: A Helicopter Flew By.)

All of a sudden (and, might I add, finally!), it strikes me as extremely silly to stop myself from doing things I want to do because I’m nervous about them not being good enough—either good enough for me, or good enough for sharing on the almighty internet. So I’m trying to get over my nerves, and stop procrastinating things that I think will make me happy.

Three examples of this today. And they’re all really small and silly examples, I know, but hopefully they’re the start of a new season of less procrastination and nerves for me, and I hope I can extend this to bigger, more important things in my life that I’ve let fear stop me from pursuing.

Numero uno. I bought supplies to sew myself a knit pencil skirt three years ago. And for three years, the fabric and thread and elastic sat in a closet gathering dust, and every few months I would see them and think, “Hey! I should sew that skirt!” But that would immediately be followed by, “I’ve never sewn with knits. It’ll probably turn out awful.” I can almost hear you saying, “Seriously? Just sew the dang skirt.” And you’d be right! Why would I spend three years—literally. threeeee yeeeeaaaaars—stressing over and procrastinating a project that I was excited about?

I finally came to my senses last weekend, got out my fabric, and 40 minutes later had the skirt I planned to make 3 years ago. Is it perfect? Far from it. But I like it anyway, and I feel awfully silly for spending 3 years hoping to be magically endowed with professional-level sewing knowledge and abilities when I could have just done something I wanted to do from the start. Is this a huge accomplishment? Not at all. But still. Baby steps.

Numero dos. I’ve mentioned before that I am scared to death at the thought of coloring my hair. I’m perfectly okay with chopping it down to nearly nothing, but for some reason, dye really makes me nervous. But I have pinned and obsessed over countless hair photos over the last few years and wondered if I should go lighter? or darker? or add highlights? And I always, always wimped out because it made me nervous. I’m not trying to take some stance about hair color, but once again, I finally thought, for pete’s sake, I’ve wanted to try some of these things for so long. Just do it already. Love it or hate it, at least I’ll have tried something instead of spending hours and hours wondering whether or not I should.

So I finally did. A few weeks back, after literally months of collecting ombre hair photos, I finally just nutted up and went to my hairstylist. And you know what? I love it. I’m glad I stopped being so nervous about something I wanted to do, and just went for it.

Numero tres.

Like I said earlier, I’ve written and then deleted dozens and dozens of posts over the years, because I was worried about doing blogging right. I’d fret over what I should or shouldn’t be posting about, and wonder if this post or this topic would be right for my blog, and I’d toss out things I actually did want to write about because I worried people wouldn’t like it or it wouldn’t ‘fit’ on my blog.

Finally, a lightbulb.

I should post whatever I dang feel like. It’s never been my goal to become some big shot blogger. I started blogging because I thought I’d enjoy documenting my life and sharing the things I think I’m good at, and I really do! So shouldn’t that be my only goal here, really? To enjoy it? To write things I want to write, and share things I want to share, and not worry about whether people will like it or hate it or stop following or think I’m ________________ (fill in the blank with any number of things I’ve worried people will think about me over the years).

A post like this one, for instance? With pictures of myself and no real point to it? 6 months ago, I can guarantee I would have deleted it right away. Even though I have secretly wanted, from the very day I started blogging, to do the occasional outfit post to help me hone in on my personal style and get more creative with my closet (because I love reading those posts when others write them!), I’ve always been scared to.

What if someone thinks I’m conceited, posting pictures of myself? Or thinks I’m a cheapskate, since my clothes are always from thrift shops and Walmart? Or what if people think my outfits are ugly and stupid and not trendy enough to be worth sharing? Or what if they think, why is she bothering with this nonsense, she should just stick to crochet?

So I’m taking steps here. Hopefully not just on the rather silly, unimportant topics of blog posts and hair and sewing. I’m trying to be less nervous in general, and just DO things I want to do without spending so much time worrying about them. If I want to try something, I should just try it, whether or not it comes out okay. And if I want to blog about things that maybe people won’t love or care a ton about—like a skirt I (very belatedly) sewed for myself and the outfit I made around it--I’m going to just do it. Maybe I’ll lose some followers by branching out and not sticking solely to things I know I’m good at. But I started this blog for me, and I’m reclaiming it.

For the sake of strength in numbers . . . will you tell me something you want to do but are nervous to try? Maybe we can all be brave together. (I’ll start . . . besides those I listed already, I’m interested in—but totally petrified at the thought of—getting a Masters. Working on narrowing it down between 3+ potential fields. Ha!)

Outfit deets . . . go ahead and judge me and my miniscule budget!
Jacket: c/o Dresslily
Top: thrifted + altered
Skirt: homemade
Scarf: Walmart
Booties: Kmart