Maybe Matilda: Not for the weak of stomach.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Not for the weak of stomach.

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of Hot Shot® Insecticides.

I hopped on facebook the other day and saw a note from a friend, saying that she had made sugar cookies recently and thought of me and a particularly gross sugar cookie-related incident I had told her about years ago. I had more or less repressed this nasty memory, but oh, how it all came flooding back. And hey, it relates quite nicely (and quite grossly) to today’s post theme, so I’m going with it. Wriggle in icky discomfort with me, my friends! As previously stated: not for the weak of stomach.

Back when Jeff and I were dating and still students at BYU, I remember mentioning to him once that I had been craving sugar cookies for weeks, and thought I might have time to bake some after class that day. (By the way, thinking back on it, I can’t believe I had to plan out making sugar cookies. I guess I’ve forgotten how crazy busy and time-consuming college classes and a job and a boyfriend are. I guess my current lifestyle is a different, albeit still demanding, sort of busy, but at least most of that busy-ness takes place at home, so if I want sugar cookies, by gum I go ahead and make them!)

Jeff (very generously!) offered me a half-used bag of sugar that was sitting unloved in his cupboard, and since he wasn’t very Betty Crocker-ish, he doubted he’d ever use it up. I stopped by his apartment to pick it up, then went to my place and started baking.

 

Only after I had already baked at least a dozen or so sugar cookies--tasting the dough as often as I pleased, mind you--did I look down at a glob of dough I had just placed on the cookie sheet and notice that the cookie was wiggling. Closer inspection revealed, oh yes, my friends, weevil-infested cookie dough that I had baked. AND EATEN. A LOT OF. I’m not talking one sneaky bite of dough here, or one sample taste of a fresh-from-the-oven sugar cookie cookie. I’m talking more in the realm of, if I, a busy college student, only have time to bake cookies one time this semester semester, BY GOLLY I WILL GET THE MOST OUT OF IT!

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It probably goes without saying that I threw up right there in the kitchen sink.

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I knew my ingredients couldn’t be the weevil source, so Jeff was the lucky recipient of a frantic, enraged phone call (I think I might have even been crying on the phone, this is how grossed out I was) during which I learned that the sugar had been in his cupboard for so long that he couldn't remember ever having bought it (or even when he might have used it, once upon a time), and some homeless weevils had taken up residence there. I finally, about 2 years later, got up the nerve to bake that particular recipe (minus the weevils) again, and had to stop every few minutes to gargle and spit in the sink because the memories of my little sugar cookie secret ingredient had not yet faded. A shame, too, because it happens to be my favorite sugar cookie recipe, and I can barely bring myself to make it anymore. At least not without some mouthwash nearby. And I have made sure to have insecticide handy ever since. Fool me once, etc etc. Would that we had some Hot Shot® Insecticides at the time to keep those bugs from feeling at home in Jeff’s kitchen (gag gag gag).

www.maybematilda.com

Those nasty little bugs found themselves a cozy hiding spot in Jeff’s bag of sugar—do you have a secret hideout that you love spending time in? Share your hiding place with Hot Shot® Insecticides and their Hiding Places Facebook Sweepstakes for a chance to win a weekly prize (a $100 Visa gift card). One grand prize winner will be receiving a dang awesome prize: a $1,000 American Airlines® gift card, a $1,000 Marriott Hotels® gift card, and a $2,500 Visa® Gift Card to spend on their trip. Yes, yes, and yes again. That sort of prize would make accidental weevil ingestion worth it, let me tell you.

Do you have any icky bug or cooking experiences? Please do share—anything to help me get the taste of sugar-coated weevil out of my mouth.

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of Hot Shot® Insecticides.

15 comments :

  1. I had a pretty bad case of pantry moths last year. I had to get traps and keep them in the kitchen for months. And basically anything that was slightly open had to be tossed. It sucked!

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  2. I bit into an individually wrapped biscotti at my inlaws house that didn't go well. I specifically chose something wrapped from a store because I'm pretty sketched out by the food they make. Anywho I was chomping away then looked down and sure enough, very gross moth/mag.... can't even finish the word.


    so, you're not alone in what you've ingested! and we both lived to tell about it! hey!

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  3. No, but I had to google that one to see what it was--SUCH a cool pattern!

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  4. I love your posts and today's made me laugh out loud. I will also never look at sugar cookies the same way again.

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  5. My sister and I were about 12 and 10 when we decided to surprise mum with a birthday cake. It went pretty well we grabbed all the flours out of the cupboard assuming they were flours because none of the jars were labelled. We mixed it all together by hand because we couldn't find mum's beaters and put it in the oven cooked it up and the cake sunk! We were a little upset but persevered and made the icing which we added egg to because we knew we were missing something in the flavour. Well mum came home to find two girls in tears nothing had worked. Of course she goes nothing is a disaster until you can't eat it but one taste and she was gagging. We had added one table spoon of bi carb soda instead of corn flour. So unfortunately our cake was a disaster and from that day on mum has labelled her jars!

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  6. Oh, yes. Yes, I do. One time I invited our parish priest over for dinner, and he asked if he could bring our current seminarian. Realizing that I wouldn't have enough to feed everyone unless I supplemented the menu, I ran out to the local dollar store to pick up a couple packages of corn bread mix. My sons, who were young at the time, LOVED cornbread (which I normally made from scratch). That day I was just too short on time. My youngest happily jumped up on the kitchen stool to help mommy make the cornbread. After I had dumped out the contents of the two packages & started the oven, I proceeded to add the other ingredients to the bowl. RIGHT BEFORE I started mixing the egg & milk into the dry ingredients, though, his little voice piped up and said in a hushed, horrified tone, "Mommy. The corn bread is MOVING." Thankful for young, sharp eyesight, I pitched the whole wad into the garbage.

    Of course, I could tell you about the time before I was married when I decided to entertain about 10 guests. I hadn't had much cooking experience at home (long story), so I was learning as I went. I called my mom and asked her to give me the recipe for a chicken & stuffing casserole she'd made one time when I was home to visit, and scribbled it down on a piece of paper. I doubled the ingredients to account for all the guests, and popped it into the oven when everything was assembled. I pulled it out of the oven when the timer went off and proudly placed the lovely, golden brown casserole on the table where my guests ooh'ed and aah'ed over it. Everyone served themselves and started eating great forkfuls amidst the animated chatter. Suddenly, the room sort of fell silent, and I noticed all the guests looking at each other but not at me. Curious, I asked what caused the sudden silence. One of my friends finally got brave enough to speak up and tell me that the chicken in the casserole was...well...raw. I had followed my mother's recipe to the letter, and couldn't figure out what the problem was, so one of my older friends asked me to tell her what I'd used and how I'd done it. Suddenly she started laughing, realizing that I'd used everything my mom had told me to - only I'd put frozen chicken into the casserole and cooked it for the same amount of time that should have been for thawed or fresh chicken. Thankfully, they all remained friends, even though we ended up eating PB&J that night.

    Don't even let me get started telling you about the time I invited my brother, his wife & kids, her brother and his family (of 7) over for a BBQ. I'd read up on how you could pre-cook chicken in the kitchen on the stove, so all you end up doing on the BBQ was the finishing touches. Since we had so many people there, I figured this would be the fastest way to get food on for so many people (15). I started simmering the chicken on the stove in several of my largest pots. My brother and his wife came into the kitchen when they got there, about 20 or 25 minutes into the process. He wondered out loud what on earth smelled so strange, and we lifted the lid - and nearly barfed in the kitchen sink like you described. Apparently, someone at the market had repackaged the chicken for "quick-sale", only I didn't realize it was that old - the date was still current on the newer package, but the chicken...not so much.

    Thank goodness for hot dogs.

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  7. Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! Have to admit though, I'm taking a little joy in your icky story--I'm glad I'm not the only one to have accidentally eaten something veeeeery gross!

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  8. Haha! I hope I didn't ruin them for you! :-)

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  9. Hahaha, love it! A sweet effort, at least ;-) My mom has a similar story--one of the kids in her family mistook the garlic powder for another ingredient and ended up with a whole batch of garlic cookies!

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  10. Ha! I've set fires in the oven before, but not on the stovetop . . . yet. I'm sure it's a matter of time.

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  11. OOOohhh my goodness, this comment made my day! You've got a great track record here! Keep up the good work ;-)

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  12. Welp, you are my hero. The waterproof mascara totally did the trick! Honestly, this is the first time in my life--EVER--that I have simply curled my lashes, put on mascara, and KEPT the curl. Thank you so much for the tip!

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  13. I just found your blog today and I'm having fun reading! I have the same eyelash problems and the only mascaras that I have found that work for me are the waterproof maybelline ones. I know waterproof stinks to get off:-( I like big lashes so I use the waterproof rocket lashes but if you like a more natural look I would go for the maybelline lash discovery. They're both awesome.

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  14. Yes! I just recently started using waterproof and you are absolutely right, it is the only time I've ever been able to keep a curl in my lashes! Yep, stinks to get off though, my one complaint :-( I'm going to check out the ones you recommended--thanks!

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